My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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