Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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