I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
