How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
