I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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