your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
