i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
