mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
