By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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