you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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