Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
