i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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