Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
