I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
