wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
