I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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