i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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