walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
