there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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