shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Rumble strips road head = magical
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
