he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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