If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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