once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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