I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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