It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
