I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
