I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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