fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
