Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
