I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want to make out with him forever
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
