We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
