and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
