This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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