im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
