oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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