So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
