apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
