Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
