When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
