***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
home. puking in laundry basket.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
