Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
