Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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