you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
