my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
