She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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