I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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