You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
