Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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