Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
