Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
