why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
