Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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